I realized I’ve been going through this the wrong way. Instead of trying to fix him, I should try to fix myself first and the way I think. I know that now. I have to stop worrying and scaring myself and wondering what would happen if I lost him. As far as I’m concerned, I’ve already lost him. The guy I loved is not the same guy anymore. Things have changed between us and I know there’s nothing more I could do if we’re not really meant to be together.

I’ve been beating myself up these past few months, blaming myself for the breakup (which I initiated after all), and wondering whether I did the right thing or not… analyzing whether my decision was right after all. I know I’ve said in the past that I’m well on my way to moving on for good. I guess I was wrong. And it took a big jolt to make me realize that. The truth is, I can’t truly MOVE ON, because part of me is still holding on. Holding on to the what if’s and what could have been’s.

I’ve been so used to having him around all the time and communicating with him almost everyday. I know I need to get used to not having him around anymore. I need to STOP expecting and hoping, and I need to get over the sadness of missing him. It’s hard, especially when there’s always the longing to talk to him, to see him, to be with him. I know I have to change the way I think, I have to change the way I’m seeing things.

He’s not the problem here, I am. I feel like my whole world revolved around the relationship, that I neglected myself along the way. I forgot who I really am. I need to heal. I need to start picking up the pieces. I need to fix myself in order to be whole again. Then and only then, can I truly move on and someday, maybe love again.

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching… and for happy couples, it certainly is a day to look forward to. But what if you’re single, brokenhearted, or alone during Valentine’s day? Are you looking forward to celebrate the day as well?

Take a look around. You see all these couples together… holding hands, having fun, and looking so in love… It’s perfectly normal to feel sad, because let’s face it… Valentine’s day does really feel like this HUGE NEON LOVE sign that seems to sneer at you, taunting you. And you can’t help but wish… if only you had that special someone that you could kiss and cuddle with… then you would have a reason to celebrate the occasion.

Aahhh.. love is in the air. But if you’re reading this, and you’re single… don’t lose heart, light that face up, and don’t feel too sorry for yourself. Valentine’s Day is a day of love and romance, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve to make the day fun and memorable for you. I think singles have as much right to celebrate Valentine’s as do couples, right?

There are a lot of things you can do to get through the day. Treat yourself to something good. You don’t need a lover to make you happy, and you know it. It’s probably easier said than done, but hey… you can do it! Here are just a few tips to get you started: Go to a spa, pamper yourself to a day of rest and relaxation. Gather your single friends and go out for drinks, or do something fun, like dancing. Work out in the gym. Go malling or shopping. If you don’t want to be alone during the night, invite friends over and you can have your very own little party. The point is to have a good time, and not feel sorry for yourself just because you happen to be unattached at the moment. Do that, and February 14 shouldn’t be such a dreadful day.

Honestly, Valentine’s Day is really no different from any other day, it’s a holiday created by Hallmark for crying out loud! So don’t beat yourself up if you happen to be dateless. Think positive and be happy! You owe it to yourself.

Copyright©2009angel

I saw him again tonight. But I had way better control this time than I had last time. Although I have to admit my heartbeat went a bit faster when I saw him. I guess it’s just an involuntary reaction I get every time I see him unexpectedly, I mean, I did love the guy with all my heart once - still do, as matter of fact. I guess I always will. But that doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t change the fact that that particular chapter in my life is over and that I promised myself I would never go back, if I could help it.

I was with some friends tonight and when I saw him walk past me, I had the urge to call his attention. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. I know that if I let him see me, and we would get to talking, then I would just be giving myself a hard time. It’s just too early. We’re friends through text and chat, but that’s about it. I don’t want to talk to him personally, not just yet anyway. I have to allow myself that separation time. I know I shouldn’t be texting or chatting with him even, but I just can’t stop myself. I want him to be part of my life still - as a FRIEND. I don’t wanna lose his friendship. Even though it didn’t work out between us as lovers, I still want us to be friends. After all, he’s the best friend I’ve ever had.

I didn’t expect to see him tonight. But like I said, I handled it better than last time. Way better. For one thing, I didn’t feel the painful wave of emotions and memories anymore. I didn’t feel bad about the past. The longing isn’t that intense now. I always knew it will get easier with time. It has to.

Tonight, I’m simply acknowledging the fact that I do miss him. I miss his company and his love. But for some reason, it seems like I’m feeling it in some other part of my heart. It’s a sort of distant feeling, not central to my emotions. I can’t really explain it, but I do know that it’s not the kind of emotion like before. I think it stems from the fact that I’ve accepted in my heart that we’re not meant to be together. What we had is just part of my past now. I still feel the attraction and temptation to go back, but it’s easier to ignore them now. I’ve learned to include them in my “box of memories” left somewhere in my past, and not let them affect me in a negative way.

I know that somewhere out there, I’m going to find the man that’s meant for me. But I’m in no hurry to meet him. He will come at the right time. As for my ex, I still love him. But we just can’t be together anymore. And I don’t wanna go back. I don’t want to feel all that pain again. Don’t get me wrong, I AM grateful for everything I’ve shared with him, all the good times and the bad. I feel lucky that I was able to experience love with him. But everything that I’ve been feeling is just felt in a positive way now. No bitterness, no anger, no regret… just pure acceptance and forgiveness. I can say that I’m well on my way. I’m really moving on. And it just makes me so happy that I’ve finally found the strength to do it. I feel light and free. And I know this is just the first step to finding my own happiness. A few more steps to go.

Copyright©2009angel

This is a story one of my readers sent in to me and she gave me permission to publish it here. Someone out there might be able to relate to her story, as so many people have the same problem.  If you guys have any words of advice or any comment for that matter, please feel free to chime in. Here goes…

My love story is one of loneliness. It’s a long story, as I’m not sure when it started and when it will end, if it ever does.

I’m a cheerful, confident and sensitive girl. I was born in a caring family and I have close friends who are precious to me. I love arts, plants, animals and I sure can say I love life.

But I have a hole in my heart and sometimes I’m scared that it will never go. I’m 32 and I never had a boyfriend. Nobody could tell, ever, except people that I’ve known for years. Only a few of my friends and family know about it. It’s not something I talk about openly. I guess I’m kind of ashamed. The older I get, the worse it is.

I have both men and female friends. I get along well with women: I’m not the competitive type and I’m a good listener. My male friends consider me as “one of the boys” when we talk about music and play videogames but I’m very feminine too and I get a lot of compliments from intellectuals as well as from young punks. I’m a smiling person and men seem to like that

I never had a serious relationship. Never did a man say to me “I love you”, in a romantic way. I dated a few guys but never long enough too call them “my boyfriend” and I’ve been dumped carelessly. I got intimate with some and I don’t regret it: I needed affection, as every human being does. There was one I loved with all my heart but it was wasted. He liked me as a friend. Since he had drug problems at the time, I know now it was better that way. I know that I would have endured it all.

I won’t go out with a man at any price. I have good values and a good temper and I go along with men that are alike. If the point was “to be with somebody”, I would have been married years ago! I need to love and be loved. What’s wrong with looking for the Prince Charming? He’ll be pleased to have found his Princess Charming too

Nobody understands why it is: it’s like a curse. How can a sweet and smart girl never have a boyfriend? One of my friends almost cried when we talk about it. She knows how it makes me sad even if I don’t complain, though it hurts like hell. I try to think about all the other good things in my life. Except for my messy love life, I can say I’m blessed. But when I cry at night because I miss to be held in loving arms, believe me, I have to talk to myself otherwise I would go insane. Some days, I feel like a monster.

I’ve been hurt a lot. Sometimes, I wonder if I should ever trust another guy and give him a chance to get closer. I can’t help but give it a try. I’m a loving person and I will always follow my heart. Even if I don’t have a single proof that one day I’ll find someone, it’s worth trying. Maybe one day the bad dream will be over and the hole in my heart will be filled with love.

—Eli

I saw him tonight. I was walking in the mall innocently, on my way to meet a few friends, when BAM!, there he was. I thought I was prepared to see him, but I was totally caught off guard with the sudden acceleration of my heartbeat. I didn’t know whether to let him see me or not. I wasn’t ready to face him. After a minute or two of deliberation, I decided to just go on my way without making myself seen. I joined my friends with my heart still racing, struggling to keep my composure.

It wasn’t a pleasant feeling. All those months that I’ve tried to get over him, all those emotions that I’ve tried so hard to forget, they all came creeping up to me again slowly. It was a good thing that my friends decided to go watch a movie, so I had a good excuse for a diversion. I forced him into the back of my mind while I concentrated on the movie for a couple of hours. I promised myself I wouldn’t let it ruin my night. It worked.

I knew I had two choices. I could let it affect me negatively, and I could go back to being miserable, OR, I could process it in my mind, and find a way to be at peace with it. I chose the latter. I knew I had it within myself to deal with it effectively. Mind Over Matter. After all, I’ve been through so much worse. I guess that’s what made it easier this time, because I already was able to overcome the hardest part.

Breaking up with someone you still love so much is painfully hard, and the wounds that you get from it don’t just heal overnight. Not even in a matter of months. Sometimes, not even in years. So I knew, I would have times where I would falter and my resolve would crumble. And seeing him like that, for the first time since the breakup; that was indeed, one of those times.

It was like waking up from a nightmare that I have had for nights, and yet realizing that I’m not really fully awake yet. I was resisting the pain, I didn’t want to have anything to do with it anymore. I wanted to escape. But I also knew that I could deal with it if I mastered my emotions. And then strangely, after I thought about it and after I let my mind grasp the truth, I felt peace emanating from me. It was the peace that came from acceptance. Acceptance of things that are beyond my control. He was just a friend now, nothing more, nothing less. And although at some level inside me, there’s still some regret and longing, I know I have to move on. There’s no other way. I can’t go back to that place I’ve tried so hard to get away from. I REFUSE to go back.

I think the pain is essentially coming from the fact that I’m still somehow, holding on. No matter how bleak, I’m still seeing the prospect that we will be together again in the future. And that’s what keeps me tied to the emotions that I’ve been wanting to get rid of for so long. Now, if I could just accept… TRULY ACCEPT that he’s not the guy for me and that we’ll always be just friends, maybe that will make the healing process go faster and maybe someday when I cross paths with him again, I wouldn’t be so affected. I think I’m getting there. I need practice though. It’s not as easy as I thought it would be. It’s quite a challenge. But it’s a challenge that I’m willing to take on.

Copyright©2008angel

I hate insomnia, not because it doesn’t put me into sleep despite the fact that I’m tired, but because it puts me into a state of reminiscing memories I know I couldn’t bring back. I wish I could drive insomnia away. Not so I can dream well, but to save my pillow from being drowned by my tears.

Which do you think is the more selfish sex, male or female? What about the more sensitive and understanding sex? Men are viewed as tough on the outside, while women are viewed to be more sensitive and emotional.

Have you read the book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus? It’s a great, informative book that discusses the individual differences between men and women, and it gives concrete examples about the way we each deal with things. Women think men are selfish because all they think about is themselves, work and other guy stuff. But according to the book, men are just wired this way. We all have different fulfillment desires, men and women differ with regards to this. But just because we need different things doesn’t mean we can’t meet halfway and reach some kind of compromise.

If women knew the drives of men and the fulfillment they need, then it would be easier to understand them. In the same way, if men knew and understood the ways of a woman’s mind and her drives, it would be easier to deal with them. The key is to know what each sex needs and wants.

It’s pretty unfair for both sexes to put the blame on each other when we don’t even understand ourselves in the first place. It’s easy to say, “My man is so selfish, all he does is work and he doesn’t have time for me.” But if you understand that “feeling successful” is one of the basic needs of men, then you’ll know how to deal with it. The same with women… if guys knew what drives a woman to be emotional, and what goes on with their roller coaster of emotions, they’ll be more understanding and sympathetic, and the world will be a much nicer and better place. Read the book guys, it’s really helpful.

Copyright©2008angel