When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to the office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.– At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

-Author Unknown

Will you still love me even if I’m not perfect? Will you still love me even if I’m not the kind of person you wished I were? Will you still look into my eyes with warmth even if you saw my shadows? Will you still hold my hand even if you knew there will be times I’d let you down? For though I yearn to take care of you as I should, though I desire to love you with a love that never falters and fades, my knees tremble this very moment that you hold me in your arms.

Shall I kiss you? Shall I hold your hand and bask in the light of your spirit knowing that I have my darkness, knowing there will be times that the light of my love will sometimes be overshadowed by the darkness that is in me?

Sometimes I’d be silent and I might bore you. I may not laugh at your jokes, and you may not understand the spell that’s enshrouding me. Sometimes I’d get troubled and I’d fail to put into words what the hell it is that troubles me. I wouldn’t be good company then, and I couldn’t make you smile.

Sometimes I’d get moody and I might not enjoy the things you’d like us to do together. Sometimes I’d lose my temper and I’d no longer act like the fine person who stands before you today. Sometimes I’d get jealous and I might say things I don’t really mean. Sometimes I’d talk too much that I might drive you away.

Sometimes I’d get touchy and I’d get easily hurt. And no matter how mature I try to be, at times I’d act in childish ways. I’d demand things I shouldn’t, I’d say things I shouldn’t say. And no matter how much I desire to protect you and make you happy, sometimes I’d be the one who’d cause you the most pain.

If you will love me I cannot promise you that I will not hurt you. I cannot promise you that I will not make you cry and that I’ll never break your heart. But if you will love me, I will bare my whole self naked before you, and I will reveal to you my soul. If you will love me, you can be certain that it is I that you will love, not a mask that fools you and gives you only what your eyes desire to see. If you will love me, you can be certain that you will love the depths of me, all of me that is in me, and I in turn will love you with all of me, with all my soul, with all my mind, with all my spirit, with all my flaws and beauty, and with all my very heart.

From: itakeoffthemask.com

He hurt me a lot. But it was something that I had to go through. If I hadn’t gone through it, I wouldn’t be who I am now. There was no getting around it. The pain was excruciating. He was my first and only love after all. But as I try to remember the exact same feeling I felt back then, I couldn’t anymore. It has become a distant echo. The claws of pain and jealousy before was clutching and ripping my heart into tiny little pieces, but slowly as time passed by, I felt its grip loosen. Until I could no longer feel it. It lost its power over me. He lost his power over me.

For the first time in years, I feel FREE. My happiness doesn’t depend on him anymore. I have always imagined that I could never live without him. But I was wrong. Now, everything changed. My whole perception changed. There’s a little uncertainty in my future, like who I’m going to end up with, but I’m not worried about it. Not knowing is kind of exciting actually. The love I felt for him is still there, and I don’t think it will ever really die. But it’s not the kind of love that used to overpower me. Instead, it turned to the kind of love that acknowledges he was a huge part of my life and that I will always treasure the memories. I will always love him, just on a different level.

So for those who are brokenhearted right now, don’t despair too much. Grieve, but know that in time, you will be okay. You will be able to HEAL and MOVE ON. I was able to do it, so can you.

Often, we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to..
Though that doesn’t mean that we’ve stopped loving them..
Or we’ve stopped to care..
Sometimes goodbye…is a painful way to say I love you..
But how can I forget you when your always on my mind?
How can I not want you when you’re all I want inside?
How can I let you go when I can’t see us apart?
How can I not love you when you control my heart?
The worst thing is holding on to someone who doesn’t want to be held on to..
Real tears are not those that fall from the eyes and cover the face…
But those that fall from the heart and cover the soul.
Sometimes I wish I had never never met you..
Because then I could go to bed at night…
Not knowing there was someone like you out there.
I don’t know what to do now that we’re apart; I don’t know how to live without the other half of my heart.
Maybe if I had just looked away that first day you came towards me everything would be different.
And my heart wouldn’t be breaking right now.
I always know looking back on the tears would make me laugh..
But I never know looking back on the laugh would make me cry.

A million words wouldn’t bring you back…I know because I’ve tried..
Neither would a million tears..I know I’ve cried..

They say that if you love someone you should let them go,
But they never say what to do when they don’t come back.
I don’t remember us but when I do…
It brings a smile to my lips and a tear to my eye.
I will never regret loving you… only believing you loved me too…
How can I love again…
When I can’t stop loving the one that hurt me so much?
My heart only fought for what it wanted.
Now my heart is having to fight to let you go.
Every moment I spend by your side, I feel a stab within my heart…
As I come to realize that the tears that fall from my eyes…
Are truly the blood from my broken heart…
Every morning I wish it were night again…
For it is only at night and in the depth of my dreams that I can feel you..
If you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you it was truly meant to be. They say “never regret the past because at one point everything was what you wanted” but what if what I wanted then makes me cry.

I thought I would die if I couldn’t have you.
Now that I know I can’t have you, death seems inferior.
I cried when I know I lost you, afraid I had lost it all.
Then I realized that losing you, didn’t have to mean I lost me.
Only love can break a heart; only love can mend it again.
How can I see what’s in front of me, when I’m blinded by tears..
Love can come and go, but your heart will remain in you forever…

- vainly

So sad… why is it that love isn’t enough? Sometimes I wish there are no other factors except love. If only the people we love are destined to be with us, how happier this world will be. But alas, LOVE isn’t enough. So that even though we love someone, we gotta let them go. Because we have to.

It’s sad when people experience things differently. One moment may mean the world to someone, and yet for the other person, it meant absolutely nothing. Have you guys experienced something like this in your life?