Jealousy: A Relationship Killer?
Are you the type of person who gets jealous easily? When you see your boyfriend or girlfriend with someone else, does your brain go into overdrive making you think of negative scenarios? Or are you the type who is very secure in your relationship that you rarely, if ever, get jealous?
What is it that makes us jealous, anyway? Why do we get jealous? Is it because we’re insecure, and we feel threatened and afraid that we’re going to lose the people in our lives to someone else? Or perhaps we want to be in someone else’s shoes (although that sounds more like envy). Anyway, jealousy is one of the most destructive emotions ever, and it’s especially lethal to relationships if not controlled. Of course, we know this already… there are lots of self help books that discuss this. But jealousy is an emotion that can’t be cured by reading self-help books. It can be minimized, yes, and we can even change our reactions to it, but that doesn’t mean that we won’t feel it.
I think one main cause of jealousy, is insecurity. If we are insecure of ourselves, it just goes to show that we are also insecure of our partner’s love for us. So understandably, we get scared that he might find someone else better than us… right? And that’s why we get jealous. We tend to become possessive, and be wary of people who might take our treasure away from us. But can jealousy also help relationships? I think yes, if done in good context and with good reason, because it shows that we love our partners and we care about them. And sometimes it can be flattering too, to know that your boyfriend is jealous of another guy who seems to like you. But if he’s being unreasonable about it, then that’s a different story.
Jealousy is a negative feeling, and if done in excess, it’s one of the most painful and frustrating experiences, not to mention stressful, especially for women who are more emotional than men. It makes you paranoid and restless, with no peace of mind. And who would want to have that kind of feeling, right? So if you’re in a relationship where jealousy is a huge problem, you have to stop and evaluate where your jealousy is coming from, and deal with it right away. How do we do it? One thing we can do is feel good about ourselves, once we are secure of ourselves and secure of our love and relationship with someone, there’s no need to get jealous of others.
It’s important to curb jealousy early on in the relationship before it’s too late, because it just might save your relationship. You have to do this not only for yourself but for your partner as well. Remember, you are in control. Control your jealousy, don’t let your jealousy control you.
What do you do when you get jealous?
Copyright©2008angel
you have a good insight here c: thanx for the info and surely it would really help me lessen my insecurity and heighten my trust for my hubby as well c:
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An interesting writeup on jealousy Angel…i agree with your wordings…But, I wonder why it just appears in my head sometimes when my partner is with someone else..i do feel insecure but i try to convince my heart that he will not cheat on me and have faith and trust in him…I cant get rid of all the stupid ramblings in my head….I knw it will destroy a relationship if we’re always thinking of things we shouldnt be…alas,I’m in the learning curve of my relationship anyway =)….thanx for the wonderful writeups in your blog.
I lost the love of my life because of jealousy. Actually the first and only love of my life. I’m too insecure about myself and the feeling of “I’m not good enough for her” always got on my nerves. I was always restless as you say and even though I fought with myself to trust her, I never managed to control my nerves and I always let my mouth say something stupid that I knew I was going to regret.
I was always wondering when it would happen, even though she tried to show me that she fully loved me. I guess I need to learn with my own mistakes now. Unfortunately…
The reason why I think I gave so much myself to her is because I moved country to live with her. I’m a person that needs care. I have a great loving family and friends that are always there for me all the time… but, they are in my home country. When the time came that I had to choose between friends and family over career and love I chose to leave my home country and move to where the love of my life was and proceed with my career (gathering useful to joyful).
I think I got trapped in the feeling that “if I loose her, I will be here alone in a foreign country”. This fear led me to jealousy and the more jealous I was the more I would loose her. It’s a cycle and I got trapped in it!
Now I have to face the loss and my fear of being alone in a country where I don’t belong. To make it worse, we’re always bumping into each other.
I’m desperately trying to find a solution. Everybody says that time will make it heal. I understand but I find my situation very difficult.
I wish I would have enough strength to overcome this whole situation. But right now I feel like I’m loosing this battle… :’(
This article is soooo true. But i think jealousy does not only apply in a love relationship but also in a human to human relationship and you’re right, it’s mostly due to insecurity and with jealousy ppl will start come out with so many different ways to make themselves feel better even if it means bad stuff… A strong personality and appreciation of our own abilities will help alot to curb this problem. I’ve been there and been out too. It was worth knowing what it’s like and learn from it.
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