What should I do with my life?

Honestly, I really don’t have an answer to this question right now. There are days when I’d just wake up, go through the motions of everyday life, feeling like each day is just the same old boring routine that I have to go through. It’s like I’m on autopilot, just going through the familiar motions, waking up, going to work, spending 8 hours in front of a desk, then going back home to sleep, repeating the whole cycle again the next day. It’s fine, I do get some enjoyment along the way, in the form of friends, family, loved ones, and interesting happenings, but at the end of the day, I still feel like there’s something missing.

It’s like at the back of my mind, I know that there’s still so much out there for me to do. I have this unsettling feeling that keeps nagging me, making me feel like I’m not supposed to be where I am right now, that I should be somewhere else. I feel like I’m merely existing, contented in living the same old boring routine everyday. My inner voice is practically screaming to me, telling me that I should be doing something else with my life, and not waste it behind some desk, doing a boring, mind-dulling job day after day. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for my job, it has helped me a lot. But right now, I feel like 3 years is enough, and I have this urge to move on and try something new.

I’ve tried convincing myself, I’ve tried extending my patience, I’ve tried coming up with reasons for me to stay where I am… and I’ve done okay for a while, but now, I feel like I just can’t take the monotony anymore. I have to get out of here! I have to get out of this office, this city, this country! To be completely honest, I’m just waiting for the perfect opportunity to leave. I want to leave everything behind and explore new places and things. I don’t know where that is, and yes, there’s the fear of uncertainty, but that’s what makes it even more exciting. And that’s what I badly need in my life right now. I miss that feeling. Somehow, the excitement of life just got lost in the daily grind. But I need to get it back! There’s this glowing light inside me, motivating me to LIVE life to the fullest. But how can I do that in a place where I’m not even happy anymore? I want to truly LIVE life, I want to truly experience it, and not just be contented in merely existing.

I look at other people and I see that their lives have some form of direction, and then I look at myself, and I realize, I don’t really know what I want! All I have are theories and abstracts that I don’t know how to bring to fruition. I don’t even know where to start! Should I quit my job, even though I don’t have other opportunities lined up? Do I just get up and leave, adopt the motto, “Come what may” and plunge into the unknown? A part of me is seeking some form of security, of course, but another part of me wants to experience the thrill of the unknown. Through the uncertainties and questions, one thing is clear to me. I don’t want another year to go by with me still stuck in this rut. I haven’t done anything worthwhile, haven’t experienced anything that I can say I really enjoyed…I have to get a move on!

But still the question stands, what should I do with my life? Honestly, I don’t know what I should do at this point. I’m so confused and restless, I have to do something, ANYTHING, soon. I don’t want to reach a point where I’ll regret not having lived a good life, and worst of all, it’s going to be too late to do something about it.

Are you living your life, or are you merely existing?

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