Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?
Let’s say you’ve just broken up with your ex, will you be willing to still be friends with him?
I remember this conversation that I had with my cousin a while back, I remember asking her, “How can you still be friends with your ex? How can you move on, when you still see him and hang out with him?” My cousin just shrugged and told me that it’s just the way it is. They both don’t have hard feelings for each other despite the breakup, so there’s nothing wrong with being friends even though they’re not “together” anymore.
For me, personally, I think there’s nothing wrong with being friends after a breakup. If two people have parted in good terms, what’s to keep them from being friends, right? I mean after all, they do have history, they’ve become lovers and even though that didn’t work out, they still like each other’s company and that’s definitely reason enough to stay as friends. But for bitter breakups or relationships that have ended badly, it’s a lot more difficult.
Usually, people refuse to stay friends with their ex because they’ve been hurt. It may be because they didn’t want the relationship to end in the first place, but unfortunately it has… and they’re just learning to deal with it. As much as possible, they would want to avoid their ex and not be reminded of what used to be, in order for them to really move on. Or maybe, the relationship just ended with both parties hating each other, thus, there’s no possibility for continuing friendship.
It’s also difficult to remain friends when you’re still in love with your ex. I mean, how can you be contented with just being “friends”, right? Every time you see that person, there will always be that longing… deep inside you’re hoping that you’re back together again. So instead of going through even more hurt, you opt not to see that person again, so you could truly move on with your life and find someone new.
There are lots of reasons why people don’t want to be friends with their ex. But in reality, there ARE in fact ex-lovers that end up being friends even right after their breakup. In my opinion, these are relationships that just died a natural death. Meaning, both parties have decided that it’s time for the relationship to end, or maybe both parties feel that they’re better off as friends. Whatever reason they may have, both have accepted the facts and they’re both ready to move on.
I think if I have to answer this question myself, I would say, “It depends.” If the moving on process is hard enough, then maybe in the beginning, I would give myself time to adjust and I won’t have any contact with my ex at all. Getting over someone is hard if you never wanted the relationship to end in the first place. And having him around all the time, when I’m trying to move on, only makes it even harder. I think separating myself away from him for a considerable amount of time, will do the trick. Then when I feel that I’ve truly moved on, and I’m ready to face him again, then maybe we can be friends. After all, I’ve cared about this person once, his friendship would be valuable to me. But of course, it will happen in due time.
How about you, can you be friends with your ex?
Copyright©2008angel
i hated all my ex’s so that would be a no for me lol.
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I don’t know if it’s possible to be friends, but you can certainly tolerate them. At least that is what I do.
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I’m friends with all my ex’s
It really depends on what caused the breakup lol.
I hope I can be friends with my ex…
But everything depends on the situation really…
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I am friends with all but one or two exes. All number of my exes were at our wedding. They are great friends I never want to lose.
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hi! love this post!
in some cases, it’s the other way around. it’s hard to remain friends with your ex when everytime you see each other and talk he insists on getting back with you, even though you know it’s not possible. too bad, but friendship can never be established while one is still holding on to the past.
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you guys are right, it all depends on the situation. for those of you who are friends with your exes, good for you! it always helps when you don’t have hard feelings for that person anymore. less emotional baggage, if you know what i mean.
@nice… i agree, if one lover (or both) is still holding on to the past, real friendship cannot be established.
thanks for your comments guys!
I agree with you angel. Its not easy to be friends with your ex soon after the break-up. In my case, I dint want to end the relationship but a series of unfortunate incidents lead to the breakup and i find it too hard to move on cuz i still have feelings for her. Everytime i talk to her those feelings only make it harder for me. So finally it came to a point that i had to screen myself from her.. mayb one day when i am over her feelings i might b in a position to be friends with her. But it is never goin to be easy considering once things were all perfect between us n suddenly it was all gone. Yes… it all depends on situations!
What.. when it’s quite a long time ago you broke up with your ex.. and you want to become friends with him again..? because you guys have had some great time together and didn’t break up with hard feelings against each other. After the break up you broke off all the contacts because you knew from yourself it’s hard for you to let things and people go. But after a while you think about the great times you guys had and wonder how your ex is.. so you kind of wish you guys can become just friends.. but maybe that’s just not possible any more since you were the one who broke off all the contacts.. and it’s kind of stupid to suddenly send him a message again and ask him how he is.. isn’t it?
what you mention about it hard 2b friends when you are still in love with the person is very true… the care for the person can’t just diminish when you get to see the person all the time… the desire to have the person back will only get stronger & stronger each time you meet the person… a time off is a must for both parties… but how long it would be varies among individuals… till now, its still hard for me to just treat that someone as just a friend but i have no choice… that someone already found her another half… yet i’m still reluctant to screen myself from her… aiks…
Yeah I can be friends with my ex. Not an issue for me.
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personally i don’t think its possible..its kinda hard..
i just break up with my GF which before used to be my best friend…and i find it quite hard to now accept to be a simple friend for her..
maybe yes, but will not be familiar as my other friend..
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i did tried.
one year trying and it’s hurt both of us as we keep trying to be a good friend while trying to move on also. lot of things happened and finally, he decided to walk away with intention both of us will find a better life.
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