Love Advice For Women #2: WHEN LOVERS DON’T TALK

Hi, I waS just browsing when i accidentally saw your site.. I’ve been hooked for 2 hours already :)…

Well, i’m having a hard time to understand some things lately about my relationship. LAst week, my bf asked me to watch a movie with him with his friends and I said ok.. While waiting to get off from work, I suddenly remembered that one of his co workers might come and so I called him and said if that girl is coming then I won’t go anymore but he can go with them ( perfectly fine really! )… The girl I was talking about was someone who likes him a lot and my bf had used her in making me mad one time which really freaked me out… that time he said he was really sorry. But then, just like other women, i don’t feel comfortable being with people who contributed to our major fight or who had been a part of not so good memories. She just get into my nerves that much, especially when she allows herself to get between us… It’s very intentional.. My bf got mad at me and he said I was making an issue out of nothing. I said, it’s just that I don’t feel comfortable seeing her around and it’s something that he should respect, after all it was him who started it all. Since that time, we haven’t seen each other nor talk over the phone, It’s all text messages and I hate it very much. I broke off with him over text since he doesn’t want to talk personally… but it was just because I was very mad… Now, its like it’s all my fault. I tried reaching him and I asked if he has no plans of talking to me or at least settling this matter, he said it was me who wanted to break up and he was just respecting what I want…

Every time we fight, we really never talk about what had been our problem… When he comes to see me, there’s no room for questioning, for clearing, for compromising.. When he sees me that’s it! We’re ok and it means he is sorry but no definite words.. When I try to talk about it, for the reasons of at least next time it will not happen again or we would try not to do any of it again, he would always say ” DONT START, It ALREADY HAPPENED”….

I feel so bad.. as in so bad.. because he makes me feel it’s all my fault when what he knows doing best is to avoid discussions.. Leaving things at that… I love him much,, but I feel i’m losing my self respect already.

Please help me. Thank you.

Love Advice for women #2:

I can feel your frustration. Men can sometimes be very difficult to understand. i think this is a classic example of a relationship that is not emotionally fulfilling. I don’t know you, or your boyfriend, but I do know that you’re not the only couple experiencing this kind of problem. Lots and lots of women out there are complaining that their partners don’t seem to understand them, or don’t seem to be sensitive enough to their feelings. I think every woman has experienced this at one time or another. So don’t think you’re alone.

Anyway, with the situation you narrated, I understand your need to be as far away as possible to the people who have been instrumental to your fights with your boyfriend. And I really think that if you explained it to him carefully, your boyfriend should respect that as well. Did you explain to him in a nice way how you felt? Sometimes, it’s all in the “expression”. We want to express our feelings, but we should also think about how the other person will respond to the way we express them. If you were able to explain it nicely, I think there’s no reason why he should get mad at you!

Sometimes, even little things can trigger a fight, even with the best of couples. It’s normal. Two different people are bound to disagree. But if you really love each other, it’s up to you how to find ways of getting around that. Compromise is key. And if you’re boyfriend really loves you, he’ll realize that. And you should help him realize that too.

I can understand how mad you must be because he didn’t respect your feelings… thus, causing you to break up with him. But let me ask you this, do you regret breaking up with him? I can tell that you’re still in love with him, because obviously, you’re still affected with the whole thing.

I know how frustrating it can be to be in a relationship that doesn’t fulfill your emotional needs, most especially a relationship that makes you lose self respect. That’s a complete no-no. If you feel that way, it’s time to do some re-evaluating. Are you willing to lose yourself for a guy? If your boyfriend allows that to happen, then he really isn’t worth it!

Of course, in every relationship, healthy communication is essential. You don’t avoid problems, you face them head on! If you don’t discuss the causes of your fights, problems will never be resolved. I know most guys don’t like to “TALK” about stuff, but we have to teach them somehow because it’s really important. The whole purpose of “talking”, is to LEARN. With every fight, with every conflict, the main goal is to learn to understand your partner… to know your partner better so that the next time something like that happens again, you know what to do. You should be growing together, not growing apart!

Your boyfriend should understand this, and you should help him understand it. If he truly loves you, he will be willing enough to make the effort of working out your relationship. If not, then you’re better off without him. Life is too short to waste your time with a person who’s not even willing to meet you halfway.

You’re a woman, and you should realize your self worth. That’s very important. Most often than not, when it comes to love, rules and advices like these are thrown out. But it has to start within you. Nobody can tell you what to do. You have to know it within yourself. If you’re tired of getting stepped on, stand up for yourself. But of course, keep in mind, what’s meant to be, will be. Hope everything goes okay with you!